A Letter to All Who Go Out to Eat

Dear Customers of L.A's Restaurant,

I am writing to you because I just wanted to let you know that you are the catalysts for my early death. As a hostess-turned-waitress (Which means I now am forced to laugh at your lame jokes because if I don't you will not tip me) I feel as if I can inform you of the horrible damage that you picky, selfish, complaining S.O.B.s caused to my mental stability during my hostess days.  Sometimes you honestly made me question why I even showed up to work. Why the F*#$ would you attempt to seat yourselves when you see a hostess desk as soon as you walk in the door? Honestly, have you ever been to Fridays' or Applebees, or out to dinner, ever? When in the history of dinning out were you ever allowed to seat yourself?  O yea, and when I did experience the privilege of getting you attention long enough for you to notice that I have to seat you, why would you think you allowed to switch sets once I sat you? Seriously, who do you think you are to tell me that you are not going to sit where I tell you to sit? Why would you think it would be okay to tell me this in a rude manner? Do you think I seat you in certain areas just to piss you off? We have to rotate servers!! You have no idea of the stress that you caused me when you told me that you prefer to sit in the section across form you! When I told you "yes, you can absolutely sit in that booth instead of the one right next to it" I meant "Are you FU$#^*& kidding? that messes up the entire rotation. This server is going to get double sat and I'm going to get yelled at because you are dumb!" Ugh. You make me want to vomit. I compiled a list of other things that unhinged my mental stability. We will call it "Rules for eating out"

1. DO NOT SEAT YOURSELVES (I explained this earlier)

2. DO NOT CHANGE SEATS

3. Do not complain to the hostess about the service, we don't care

5. A ten minute wait means a ten minute wait, do not think that you are going to be sat any sooner

6. When you are on a wait do not go up the hostess and see "where you are in line". You will get sat, I promise

7. When a booth becomes open, don't tell me. I know a booth is open. I don't care if you see it or not.

8. Popcorn for the "bar area only" means bar area only, don't ask me for it if you are sitting in the booths

Thank You and Have a Nice Day,

Samantha